If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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