ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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