i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
