Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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