i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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