Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
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We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
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I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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