Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
