you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
