dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
