OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
