dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
