So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
