Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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