you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
How's work?
Spinning.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
