Pants 0. Shit 1.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
you never un-have a 4some
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
