with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
