I just made out with a guy for $7.
Sponge bath it is.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
