Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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