i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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