if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
