Got a toothbrush?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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