i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
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