I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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