The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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