I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
