Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
