I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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