Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
