i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
