hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
