she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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