What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
