note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
