My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
