What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
