Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
