I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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