I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
