i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
