Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
