When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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