I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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