Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
