Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i came on her dog
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
