there's paper in my vomit.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
