best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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