You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Randomize
