...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
We're too hungover to prance.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
