i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
