I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
