before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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