What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
