I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
