I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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