Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
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I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
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Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize