dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
