Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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