i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Let's get the cat blown out
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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