Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
