no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
my phone needs a breathalizer
are you so shy because you have an std?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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