I heard we made out
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
