Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
