She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
