Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
