Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Randomize
