i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
nutella sex= disaster
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
